Statutory warning : – This article is written to share views of the unspoken souls, it has no intention to hurt anyone. Any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence.
In an Indian society, life of a woman is so troublesome. When she is born, you are upset because you wanted a son. When she wanted to study more, you think it would be useless to spend money on her because at the end of the day she will be managing the kitchen, kids and her husband. You think about her safety all the time. When she grows up, you think about the amount of dowry you would be spending on her. And once she gets married, the whole society starts asking her “when are you going to have a baby”. Is this the means to an end?
Very recently, I was having a conversation with a lady which went something like this:
Lady: So when are you planning to have a baby
Me: I don’t have an answer to your question and I don’t know yet. I am not prepared for this.
Lady: Imagine if your parents would have thought the same about you.
Me: it’s their mistake that they didn’t think about it.
Lady: yes, you have all the time right now and you have been enjoying life. After having kids your life is going to change.
Me (fuming with anger, controlling my words): How do you know whether everything that is happening in my life is making me happy? Yes I enjoy my life, I love to travel but let me tell you if tomorrow even though I have kids I will still travel with them. You can’t restrict me from enjoying my life.
This whole conversation made me think as to why we keep asking women this question. Are you not happy of the fact that she is doing well in her career? Or you can’t see her happy because she has no kids? Or you are planning to support her after she has kids? What is the intention of asking? What gives you the right to know? Or maybe she is expecting and she doesn’t want to share this news right now? And let me tell you this isn’t just asked by your in-laws, family but also some of our educated friends and colleagues.
If she gains a little weight, or is having some specific food, this doesn’t give you license to ask her these stupid questions. And if she fumes back at you, then better not give the excuse of joking about it.
You never know what’s happening in her life. May be the couple isn’t ready yet to bring in the responsibility of handling a kid, may be they are not financially ready to support a kid’s upbringing. May be the women is facing medical issues and is unable to conceive or she might be going through a miscarriage. Or maybe they are just thinking of adopting a kid . And it’s not only the responsibility of a women, but men are equally responsible for giving birth to a child. So why don’t people question their son/brother that when are they giving them the good news. There are a lot of things that might be going on in a couple’s life.
Having a baby is not just another decision of buying something for your house. It’s a life changing event, not everyone is blessed financially or have ready support system at their place to take care of kids.
So my dear readers, hope this message gets across to you and I hope you can be sensible enough to not ask this question again!