Yes, I am married and don’t ask me when am I having babies!  

Statutory warning : – This article is written to share views of the unspoken souls, it has no intention to hurt anyone. Any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence.

In an Indian society, life of a woman is so troublesome. When she is born, you are upset because you wanted a son. When she wanted to study more, you think it would be useless to spend money on her because at the end of the day she will be managing the kitchen, kids and her husband. You think about her safety all the time. When she grows up, you think about the amount of dowry you would be spending on her. And once she gets married, the whole society starts asking her “when are you going to have a baby”.  Is this the means to an end?

Very recently, I was having a conversation with a lady which went something like this:

Lady: So when are you planning to have a baby

Me: I don’t have an answer to your question and I don’t know yet. I am not prepared for this.

Lady: Imagine if your parents would have thought the same about you.

Me: it’s their mistake that they didn’t think about it.

Lady: yes, you have all the time right now and you have been enjoying life. After having kids your life is going to change.

Me (fuming with anger, controlling my words): How do you know whether everything that is happening in my life is making me happy? Yes I enjoy my life, I love to travel but let me tell you if tomorrow even though I have kids I will still travel with them. You can’t restrict me from enjoying my life.

This whole conversation made me think as to why we keep asking women this question. Are you not happy of the fact that she is doing well in her career? Or you can’t see her happy because she has no kids? Or you are planning to support her after she has kids? What is the intention of asking? What gives you the right to know? Or maybe she is expecting and she doesn’t want to share this news right now? And let me tell you this isn’t just asked by your in-laws, family but also some of our educated friends and colleagues.

If she gains a little weight, or is having some specific food, this doesn’t give you license to ask her these stupid questions. And if she fumes back at you, then better not give the excuse of joking about it.

You never know what’s happening in her life. May be the couple isn’t ready yet to bring in the responsibility of handling a kid, may be they are not financially ready to support a kid’s upbringing. May be the women is facing medical issues and is unable to conceive or she might be going through a miscarriage. Or maybe they are just thinking of adopting a kid . And it’s not only the responsibility of a women, but men are equally responsible for giving birth to a child. So why don’t people question their son/brother that when are they giving them the good news. There are a lot of things that might be going on in a couple’s life.

Having a baby is not just another decision of buying something for your house. It’s a life changing event, not everyone is blessed financially or have ready support system at their place to take care of kids.

So my dear readers, hope this message gets across to you and I hope you can be sensible enough to not ask this question again!

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Closure

There have been moments in my life where I have felt I need a closure to move on. Be it a conversation or a relationship, they all need a closure. In today’s fast paced world, people find it hard to say goodbye. You would find them hiding their faces or immersed in their own world where they don’t want to face the closure.

We have stopped bidding goodbye, we no more find ways to make the closure. We don’t explain for things that might have moved or changed circumstances. We just rush into things without realizing what effect it has on the other person.

So, she left. . And she left forever. She made insane decisions, booked the tickets and left the country. She didn’t realise the impact it would have on him, on someone whom she had promised to spend her life with. This is what the world knows that she left, and left him alone!

But this isn’t the end.. She wanted a closure, a final goodbye.. She wanted to tell him of how happy she is to see him doing well. She wanted to share her happiness, of how things have changed in her life. She finally knocked his doors, to see him, to bid him goodbye. Little did she know that she would get a cold response and the door would be banged on her face?  He had left…leaving and running away gave him control on his life.

Her life wasn’t a movie and there was no happy ending to their story. Sometimes one needs to hop on the other bridge and let it go as life isn’t a fairy tale! And someone rightly said, “You have to accept that some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken”.

Log kya kahenge?

This one sentence in India has killed a lot of dreams, created a lot of drama and has led to endless debates. The usage of this line has been the highest among our parents. The effect of this line is so much that at least 70% of us before taking an important decision, do think about “Log kya kahenge” (what will the people say?). And this usage of the line doesn’t begin from the adulthood but since we have been kids.

Allow me to share some very common examples which a lot of us would relate to:

  • In school if you get less marks in your boards as compared to your best friend or cousin, you would have to listen to “log Kya kahengegiphy (3)
  • In case you took up science and you haven’t been able to crack either engineering or medical exams, and you decide to take a break for one year, you listen to this line again – log Kya kahenge
  • In case you took Humanities as your subject in 12th std, the pressure is even more!giphy (5)
  • You go for a party and you come home late night, your mom would be sure to say what if the neighbours saw you this late night partying, log kya kahenge!giphy (7)
  • When you decide to go for an intercaste marriage, the whole discussion about caste, society, family would start and would only revolve around “log kya kahenge”giphy (6)
  • When you are travelling and you want to post about it, suddenly someone would say why have you been posting so much about your travel, why do you have to make so many check ins? log kya kahenge!!
  • After marriage when you decide, you want to adopt a kid or you don’t want to have kids, you might again have to listen to “log kya kahengegiphy (4)
  • Working women coming late, not making 3 meals every day, all of this boils down to “log kya kahenge

Well I am no different, when I started writing even I had the similar kind of questions – how will I be perceived by the world, will I be judged, “log kya kahenge”. And this doesn’t surprise me because all of us have been grown up worrying what people will say and think.

Do let me know what you have to say about this topic. Thank you for reading!

 

The essence of gratitude

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward

Today I am grateful that I have a good cook at home and how she makes sure I have proper meals. I am also grateful that I have a house, husband and a job.  In my prayers to God today, I paused and there was a moment of reflection.

I am thankful to be leading a healthy life. If I look at the other side of it, I am thankful that I do not have chronic illness.

We spend most of our times wishing something we don’t have. Every time we visit a temple, do we thank God for giving us what we have or do we share our long wish list with him?

It’s time we practice gratitude more often. Gratitude means thankfulness, counting our blessings, being happy with what we have. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we don’t have to thanking what we have at the present moment.

There was a time in my childhood days where we didn’t have enough supply of water and we would also experience frequent power cuts. My mom used to teach us to save water, we even used to store the rain water for our other household chores. During the power cuts, we used to study under the lanterns, maximize the morning time to study under the natural light.

Another vivid memory that I am really fond of is when we used to have “Durga Puja”, we are asked to chose three dresses, and those were the only dresses we bought for ourselves for the entire year.So we eagerly used to wait for the Durga Puja to begin. I am sure not many of us would have had the same kind of experience but today I feel thankful to where we all are. We are much better off and we don’t have the same issues now.

Gratitude helps us realize what we have. The awareness of what we are and what we have can lessen our tendency to want more all the time. So let’s just be thankful to where we are in our lives.

Gratitude-Quotes-02

A tribute to my dearest Teacher – Rekha ma’am

Someone rightly said, “I may not be in your class today, but I am still your student”. Very few people in your life will stay there forever, and for most of us it would be either family or some friends, but I am glad and lucky to have my school teacher still in my life.

During my childhood days, my dad had a transferable job and we (my sister and I) changed 3 schools, and in the 3rd school, this is where I met her. I was in my 8th std , when I moved to this school and this change took a toll on my studies. My sister went for her higher studies, my mom also started her clinic and I started feeling aloof from everyone. That year I gave my worst performance in my class and my parents were super upset with me.

Rekha ma’am was my class teacher who used to teach us history & civics. She knew about my class performance but she never raised this with me. On the final day when we get our report cards, my mom was with me. Trust me, I still feel I would have flunked in this class, but by God’s grace I passed with average marks. When my mom met my teacher, my mom was in her usual self, complaining about me that I don’t study at all. To all of this, Rekha ma’am just replied, “When with so many changes in her school life she is able to attain average marks, I am sure she will reach great heights in her next class”. This moment was special, listening to this, somewhere I felt really motivated and happy that I have someone who trusts me and my capabilities.

This conversation has been a turning point in my life where I can’t thank her enough for believing me. In the later years, our paths crossed again in high school and she became my psychology teacher. Having her as my teacher again, nothing has ever made me so happy ever. There were moments we shared where we used to talk about the generation gap, career advises, and what not. Those two years in my high school has been special for me.

There was this day when my 12th results were being declared and in those days we didn’t have internet on our mobile phones, so I went to the cyber café with my dad to check my results. I had passed with flying colours and my dad was amazed to see this. He asked me if I would like to call mom to tell her my results, and I told him that I would like to first thank my dearest teacher who has been the supporting pillar in this journey.

People today brag about their friendship stories of how they have been together for several years, well, I have a teacher who has been there with me for more than 14 years who has not only been a part of my school days, but was also there to wish me when I was getting married!

You have not only been a teacher but a confidant and my best friend. We might not talk to each other every day but you are always in my heart. What would I do without your guidance and blessings, thank you for teaching me life important lessons.  Thank you for being who you are and you have no idea what you mean to me!

The below picture dates back to 2011, where I met her in Ashram, Bangalore.

rekha-maam

My mentor and I